Live and Let Love
by KatanaDoshi
Summary: Summary: a collection of crack-pairing drabbles that were too funny not to write. Ratings Vary.
1. Chapter 1

LIVE AND LET LOVE

Summary: a collection of crack-pairing drabbles that were too funny not to write. Ratings Vary.

A/N: There are some weird (in my opinion) pairings out there. Everything from minor characters/main characters to main characters/mentioned only in passing characters to main characters/main characters who've never met. All of these will be humor (for a certain definition of the word...), most will be one sided or fake outs, few will be romantic and/or sexy, and none will feature pre-established or Generally Accepted pairings (No Fox/Xanatos, no Demona/Thailog, no Elisa/Goliath, no Broadway/Angela and so on). Will likely feature equal amounts of slash and het but nothing graphic either way.

I won't lie. I started this because I thought up some truly silly pairings for Owen and Puck so while there will be others... that'll be the crux of it. Does not mix and match with anything else I write. While the pairings are total crack I did try to do them all in a way that was believable which _might_ undo some of the humor of these couplings.

Spoilers: ALL OF THE SPOILERS

Warnings: language, mild slash, interspecies flirting

Disclaimer: Its called Crack for a reason and it's on for a similar, very good reason.

* * *

February 14, 1999

The man was heavier than he looked, Lex realized as he pulled. The man, an apparent 'jumper' as they were called, dangled precariously over the edge of the apartment building. He was saved from the drop only by Lexington's grasp around his ankle and the gargoyle's own strength. Placing a foot against the raised ledge keeping him from going over the side as well, the green gargoyle dug his talons into the brick and concrete and yanked up with all his might.

"Whoa!" the man yelped as he was dragged back over the side, bright colored scarf catching on the edge. Man safely deposited back on solid... rooftop, Lex sat down with a huff.

"If you're..." Lexington was panting from the effort, breath forming little clouds of condensation in front of his nose. "Gonna... throw yourself over... again... could you wait... until I get someone bigger... to catch you?"

The man, a slender and pleasant looking brunette wearing a worn leather jacket over an even more worn out wool sweater, blinked at him before letting out a self-depreciating laugh.

"Yeah, sorry..." he wasn't screaming or running or throwing things, so Lex counted it as a victory. "I didn't even think- Damn," a hand went up and combed through brown locks. "I wasn't even plannin' on doin' it. I was just standin' there feeling sorry for myself and... it just seemed like it would make things easier," the brunette lowered his eyes.

"Easier?" Lexington stared at him. "I can't see how turning yourself into a red splat on the concrete makes things any easier for anybody," he realized, belatedly, that that probably wasn't what you were supposed to say to suicidal people if you didn't want them jumping off rooftops. "Oh hey, I didn't mean-"

The man cut him off with an easy wave of the hand and a laugh.

"No you're right, that was really dumb," he didn't seem so upset now and Lex relaxed enough to smile back. "That was really, incredibly dumb," the brunette smiled apologetically. "This last year was really good for me - I mean, compared to the couple before - and then my girlfriend broke up with me this morning."

"Oh yeah," Lex nodded wisely despite having absolutely no experience in the area. "That'll do it."

"It's not like I was surprised or anything," the man rushed to reassure the gargoyle. "It's been a long time comin' and all she did was complain," he rolled his eyes. "But having to walk around with all the couples and the chocolate ads and the kissing..."

Now that, Lex could relate to.

"I know," Lex returned the eye roll. "_Believe_ me, I get it. Bad enough you're alone but then it's like... everyone's throwing it in your face how happy _they _are."

"Exactly!" the brunette sat back, nodding. "And I started thinking about all the crap I went through before and I just... Well here I was," he spread his arms wide and gestured to the rooftop. "I wasn't really thinkin'. Thanks for the catch."

"No problem," Lex paused. "But... you know this is only a four story building," he said slowly. "I don't think the fall would've... you know."

The man blinked and glanced over the edge of the building at the ground - coated in a a fluffy looking layer of mud colored snow and empty moving boxes - which really wasn't as far away as he'd thought it was.

"Not right away at least."

"You're right," the brunette dropped his head into his hands and laughed again. "You're right," he swore before looking up again. "So now I owe ya for the catch and for the hospital bills. Thanks."

"Hey, all in a night's work," Lex held up his hand modestly and the two fell silent for a moment. "So, don't take this the wrong way or anything but you're taking the whole flying-monster-just-snatched-me-out-of-the-air thing really really well."

"Oh yeah," the brunette waved his hand dismissively as though the flying monster bit was just par for the course. "Met you guys before. Had a thing against the big one for a while, but don't worry," he smiled with a strange self-satisfaction. "I took care of it. Then I actually saved his life this one time."

Lexington blinked before one of Hudson's stories floated to the top of his mind.

"You're Banana Creme Pie Guy!"

"Guilty as charged," he didn't seem particularly shy about it and even bowed from his seated position like a show man. "Don't worry, I left Mr. Carter at home."

"Wow," Lex sat back. "I can't wait to tell the others I caught _the_ Banana Creme Pie Guy," the brunette winced. "Er... I'll probably gloss over the reason you needed catching."

"Thanks I- you know what? You look real familiar," Banana Creme Pie Guy scooted closer to the gargoyle squinting. "We ever bump into each other before?"

"I think I'd remember meeting Banana Creme Pie Guy," Lexington crossed his legs and rested his arm on his knee as the man scooted ever closer.

"No really, you-" he snapped his fingers and sat up from the lean he'd adopted while peering at Lex's face. "You crashed my bike!"

"I- What?" Lexington balked. "No I..." he trailed off, eyes widening. "That was _you_?"

"I think I know the flying green thing that knocked me off my new motorcycle when I see it," he didn't sound mad so much as... pointed.

"Hey, I tried to give it back but you kept running away," Lex defended. "And then I sorta... crashed it for real."

"Yeah," Crashed Motorbike Guy nodded. "I saw the fire."

"I fixed it," Lexington winced. "It was pretty cool... until it got messed up...again. Totally not my fault that time," he added when he saw the look the man was giving him.

"I'm thinkin maybe you just shouldn't have a motorcycle," the brunette leaned back on his hands, looking mildly amused. "So how's this: I forgive you for the bike and we call it even on the whole falling off a building thing?"

"Sounds good to me," Lexington held out his hand and smiled when Crashed Motorbike Guy took it in a firm shake. "I don't think I ever got your name."

"Vinnie," the brunette gave him a lopsided smile. "Vinnie Grigori. And what do you go by when you aren't playing Guardian Angel?"

"I uh," Lexington failed in his effort not to blush. "I'm Lex. Lexington."

"My favorite avenue," Vinnie rested his chin on his fist, folding his legs beneath him. "So Lex, what you doing catchin' my dumb ass out of the air on a night like this? You already finish up with your Saint Val's plans or somethin'?"

"Uh no," Lex shot his own self depreciating smile at the man. "I didn't have any plans to begin with. Tonight it's just me, Brooklyn and Hudson on patrol. Everyone else is off..." he waved a hand. Vinnie raised his eyebrows.

"Come on," the brunette stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back on his hands again. Restless, Lex thought, like Brooklyn got sometimes. Or maybe just trying to stay warm by moving a lot. "Don't tell me a sweet thing like you is havin' trouble with the lady gargoyles."

"There's kinda ah... short supply of," Lex snickered under his breath " 'lady gargoyles'."

"Ok," Vinnie shrugged. "So how 'bout the boys?" Lex stared. "Don't look at me like that. You're..." he struggled for words for a minute. "Small. That's something you look for in a gargoyle, right?" Lex started laughing. "Hey," Vinnie nudged him with his foot, pouting. "I'm serious. You're compact, well proportioned," he waggled his eyebrows. "Cute."

"Alright, you've made your point," Lex poked him in the leg with a talon. "Why are you asking, Vinnie? Wanna be my Valentine?"

He meant it to be a tease, not a challenge.

"Oh no, kid, you do not wanna be playing No-Homo Chicken with me," Vinnie grinned, pointing at himself with both thumbs. "I played in college and trust me, I'll go all the way."

Lex pretended to himself that he didn't know what that meant.

"So is that a no then?" he couldn't help but ask. His face was hot but he hoped the dark night and his own coloring would help stop him looking red.

"Did I say that?" Vinnie played innocent very well. "'Cuz I don't remember sayin' that. I just thought you should know, before you start some shit you can't handle."

"I think I can handle anything you can dish out," Lex said with a over confident smirk.

He'd played bluffing games before, with Brooklyn and Broadway and before that at Wyvern with their other rookery brothers and sisters. He could handle it.

He hoped.

Vinnie's eyebrows shot to his hairline before he settled on a very cheesy grin.

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah," Lex forced himself to keep a straight, serious face as he nodded. Vinnie inched closer.

"You sure about that?" Vinnie scooted closer, leaning so their faces were close. Lex blinked, watching their breath mingle in the air in front of them for a moment.

"Absolutely," he boasted. Vinnie's grin turned down right dirty and he somehow got closer. Lex felt bold. "So are you going to start something or just keep talking about it?"

"Oooh," Vinnie hissed as though he were in physical pain. "Low blow sweetheart, I just wanna make sure you're comfortable before we uh... get down to business."

"Well no, then," Vinnie blinked and Lex worked even harder to keep his face blank. "I'm cold, not comfy."

"Hey," complete with sleazy tone and sneaky arm over the shoulder nonsense Lex and the others liked to make fun of in movies. He almost lost it. Almost. "How 'bout I help you warm up then?"

"Well," Lex struggled to keep his face flat and his tone dismissive, "you can try."

And then Vinnie's face was RIGHT THERE. It took all of his will power to keep from jerking back. Judging from the look on Vinnie's face he wasn't entirely successful.

"You know what Yoda says," Lex could feel the warmth of each word on his lips and yeah, this was a lot further than the other games had ever gotten. " 'Do or do not. There is no try'."

Lex would have responded with something clever (he was sure he would have) except then it wasn't just warm breath on his lips. It was warm (and soft, he realized with a start) lips on lips.

And he started laughing.

Vinnie pulled back, arms raised to the sky.

"Woo! Vinnie wins again!" Mouth a wide grin he fist pumped a few times while Lex tried to gain control of himself. "Now just think," Vinnie backed away a few inches, making the space between them comfortable without being intimate, "you can go back to your friends and tell them all about how you spent Valentine's Day kissing Banana Creme Pie Guy."

Lex started laughing again.

"You making fun of my kissing?" Vinnie faked offended just as well as he did innocence. "I'll have you know that my kisses drive the ladies wild. Sorry if they don't stand up to your high and mighty gargoyle standards."

"Oh no, the kissing was great," Lex rolled his eyes. "I'm just thinking about the look on Goliath's face."

"It'd be priceless," Vinnie agreed with a nod. Below them a police siren roared to life and Lex gave his rooftop companion an apologetic look.

"Sorry, I-"

"Hey," Vinnie gave Lexington's leg a little pat. "Go do your superhero thing."

"Alright," Lex stood and stretched. "Have a nice night."

"You too, Lex," Vinnie stood, dusted off the back of his pants and started toward the fire escape, likely the way he'd gotten to the roof in the first place.

"Hey Vinnie," Lex stopped, crouched on the edge of the roof. Vinnie faced him. "No more rooftop swan dives, ok?"

"Oh yeah," he grinned and held a hand to his heart. "Scouts honor."

"Were you a scout?" Lex raised a doubtful eyebrow. Or would have, if he'd had eyebrows.

"Alright," Vinnie laughed and dropped the hand. "My word as Banana Creme Pie Guy. No more swan dives," Lex nodded and Vinnie started backing his way down the fire escape. "See you around Lex."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah," Vinnie snorted just as his head disappeared over the edge of the building. "I'm surprised I don't trip over you guys on the way to the DMV."

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0 X0X0X

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended—

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

A/N: No-Homo Chicken, for those of you who don't know, is when two people of the same gender play flirt with each other (usually to the point of, but not quite, kissing), trying to out do the other until one of them just can't keep going (too grossed out or is laughing to hard). Like the version played in cars at fast speeds the idea is that everyone involved know it's all bluffing and the winner gets the other to Chicken Out. It stops being fun right around the time you end up playing with someone who turns out to have been flirting for real.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Because for some reason this is the pairing(s) most perverts want Owen to be in. Or that's what I gather from the R-rated fan sites.

Spoilers: Eye of the Beholder

Warnings: sexual situations(kind of), nudity(not really), language(which is an actual thing that actually happens).

Disclaimer: Disney and Greg Weisman would be so mad at me right now... seriously.

* * *

April 1st, 2000

There was a persistent itch between his shoulder blades. It was the sort of itch that made one aware that someone was staring at them but Owen's office door was shut tight and there was no one else in the room with him. The blond sent a glance toward the security camera in the corner of his ceiling and tried to convince himself that that was the cause of his nervousness though he knew full well that the camera had never caused the nervousness before.

_"Maybe its ghosts,"_ Puck suggested helpfully. _"Weirder things have happened._"

Owen turned away from his computer and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a tired sigh. He spent a moment playing with the idea of going to the company employed mental health specialist and telling her that he had a little man living inside his head that would occasionally take over his body and do magic if only to see what sorts of drugs he'd be put on.

_"That would be __hilarious__," _Puck gushed, admiration evident in his tone. Owen immediately dashed the idea. _"You never want to do anything fun. If I'd known I'd be stuck with you forever I'd have designed you with a better sense of humor."_

The door to his office opened almost silently on well oiled hinges.

"You alright Owen?" Asked a familiar, husky voice as the door clicked shut again. Owen rubbed at his eye again and heard the click of heels (unusual for her, when she wasn't planning to go out) come up behind him. "You look tense."

"Typing quickly and efficiently with one hand is more difficult than one is led to believe," he replied wearily. Tilting his head to as far as an extreme as he could manage without hurting himself, Owen forced his neck to pop which did less to ease the tension than he might have hoped.

"Here," a warm, long fingered hand gently rubbed at the back of his neck. Fox, like her husband, had very selective understanding of 'personal boundaries' and Owen had learned to simply humor them. "How's that?"

It helped that the hand felt good.

_"I like her," _Puck felt he needed to point out for some reason. _"I'm glad we stayed."_ Owen silently agreed and let his eyes shut as he relaxed.

He was so relaxed, in fact, that he managed to space out for the few brief moments it took the redhead behind him to loosen his tie and open the top most buttons of his shirt.

He did not, however, miss the part when her warm hands slipped under his collar.

"Mrs. Xanatos!" Owen was very rarely undignified but the way he leapt up from his chair and spun around to face the woman couldn't very well be described as anything else. "What-" and then his brain shut down.

"I've told you, Owen," the red head purred, smirking at him. "Call me Fox."

_"Huh," _Puck recovered first. _"I guess we both __knew__ when Davey told you to pick up that little number it was for Fox but it never really sunk in_." Owen could not move. _"Well hurry up man! Give her your jacket before she catches a cold!"_ Puck had never been a particularly sexual creature despite his love of tawdry innuendo. Owen shouldn't have been surprised by his obliviousness.

It wasn't like they hadn't seen her in less - the Eye of Odin incident came to mind - and he'd accidentally walked in on her and her husband (they really did need to learn to lock doors, or at the very least keep their activities to their own bedroom) more than once but this was different. This was deliberate.

"M-" Owen almost swallowed his tongue and looked up at the ceiling because it, at least, was decently covered. "Mrs Xanatos-"

"Ah ah ah," Fox chided. She sounded closer, he should look to check that she hadn't- and there she was, stroking his cheek with those long red nails.

"F-Fox," Owen forced out, finally meeting her eyes. "This is-" she stepped close and he backed up, his desk hitting the back of his legs. He may have leaned back. It didn't seem to make a difference. "This is highly inappropriate," he tried for a stern voice but that hadn't worked for her father so it certainly wasn't going to work for him. She pressed closer and he leaned farther back. "Mr. Xanatos-"

"Oh, I don't think David'll mind," Fox gave him a smile that Owen was more than certain should never be directed anywhere other than her husband and placed her hand on his chest. "He's never been the jealous type."

That was not helping. Neither was the way her hand was sliding down his abdomen.

Owen started sweating. This was wrong. On so many different levels he wasn't sure where to start. She was under some bizarre magical influence or drugged or

_"possessed," _Puck nodded sagely. _"I'm telling you, it's ghosts."_

"Fox please," very rarely was Owen denied when he asked for something, likely because he did it so infrequently and the Xanatos' liked to indulge him when he did decide he wanted something. He hoped it would work now. "This is- please stop."

He was considering whether it would be worse to "accidentally" knock her out with the flailing of his stone fist or to try and let Puck take over since CLEARLY something magical had gone horribly wrong in the castle without his knowledge when one of her long fingers caught one of his belt loops.

"DAVID!" Owen did not scream. Called, certainly. Yelled... bellowed perhaps. Roared even. But he did not scream.

The door banged open and Owen looked up, face awash with relief. And he froze.

David Xanatos - ex-villain, billionaire and happy father of one - stood in the door way, naked to the waist, pony-tail pulled over his shoulder like some sort romance novel cover model, grinning seductively.

"I thought you'd never call," the darker man said in a low, deep tone.

Owen may have possibly blacked out a bit.

When he came back to his senses he was still half on top of his desk and Fox, still dressed in little more than a whisper of strategically placed black lace, was howling with laughter into his side.

"David, David stop he's going to have an aneurysm," she was gasping into his crisp white shirt that would inevitably be stained with her red lipstick and dramatic eye shadow now that she was rubbing her face on it. At the doorway David was holding himself up against the wall - or at least trying to - laughing so hard that his eyes had begun to water.

"Oh Owen-" he cut himself off with another snort of laughter. "You should have seen your face!"

_"Oh, oh damn,"_ Puck had started laughing too, which was never a good thing. _"They got us good. Take a look at the calendar, four-eyes."_

Owen didn't have to look. His breath - which had been close to hyperventilation mere seconds before - slowed and his eyes narrowed. Without a word he pushed Fox (gently) away and stalked to the door.

"Don't worry," David was saying as Owen shoved him to the side and out of the doorway. "I made sure the camera was recording for this room."

Owen rarely slammed doors, but it gave him great satisfaction to do so now. The closed door did little to muffle the shrieks of laughter coming from inside his office.

_"That was epic!" _Puck crowed. _"I love them. Best April Fool's Prank EVER."_

Owen told himself to kindly shut the fuck up.

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0XX 0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended—

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

A/N: I was on Ao3 the other night when I saw a David/Fox/Owen threesome. I read EVERYTHING whether I think I'll like it or not (it's called broadening your horizons or something. Sometimes I just enjoy being squicked *shrug*) so... yeah that happened. And if you don't adopt the stance that Owen's their surrogate brother (which is my preferred way to look at the relationship) it could totally work. I still find it silly though.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: The crackiest of crack pairings so far. A pairing I could not even pretend to endorse but it occurred to me that all my pairings seemed to be... appealing, even if they were weird and I figured I ought to throw a spanner in it.

Warnings: Interspecies, language

* * *

December 24, 2001

The castle was decorated for Christmas. In the great hall were garlands and wreaths and an oversized tree tastefully decorated. All show for the rare visitor. In the smaller library a smaller tree with handmade ornaments and hand-me-downs, strung with popcorn and chestnuts instead of the garish tinsel that Fox had forbidden.

David leaned against the open doorway, smiling at the scene. On the floor Alexander with Lexington's help, was wrapping something for Hudson and wasting a great deal of wrapping paper, tape and ribbon in the process. The gargoyles might have frowned at the waste but none would think to interrupt, not when Alex was smiling and laughing so loudly.

"Xanatos?" David turned to face Angela with a pleasant smile. She knew of his and Fox's past with the clan but to her it was all stories and hearsay. David liked to think that Angela's cautious trust and his own good behavior would eventually win the rest of the clan over. Again.

"What can I do for mmph!" Gargoyle lips, it turned out, were just as soft and pliant as human lips.

Heart racing, eyes wide, and mind gone totally blank, David did the only thing he could. Arms spread wide, palms flat where they could be plainly seen and holding very very still, David didn't move.

_Not touching! Me not doing anything!_ he sincerely hoped his body was saying for him in case anyone glanced toward the doorway. Oh God, what if Goliath-

For someone resolutely sticking to the "hatchlings belong to the whole clan" thing, Goliath was alarmingly protective of Angela in a way he wasn't with any of the others. If Goliath walked by... David could hear choking laughter behind him and figured that Lexington had looked up. Another voice laughed louder, behind Angela and he recognized the sound of Fox gasping and stumbling her way to another room where she could collapse into hysterics in peace.

Finally, after an eternity, Angela pulled away, looking at him curiously.

"I... what... why... " David failed to form sentences for a long moment. The gargoyle blinked at him.

"Did I do it wrong?" She sounded worried, even frowned. David stared.

"What?" his voice was harsher than he'd planned but he WAS having a small heart attack. Angela looked up.

"That's what you're supposed to do, right?" David followed her gaze. "Because you were standing under the mistletoe. Matt told me if I ever saw someone-"

Angela, thankfully, was not so large as to take up the whole doorway and David managed to dart around her.

Owen was unprepared for it when David came barreling down the stairs and decided to pull the blond along with him.

"Sir!"

"Detective Bluestone is banned from the building," David said breathless as he pulled Owen along behind him. "I need you to lock me in the safe-room until dawn. No one in, no one out. Understood?"

"Mr. Xanatos what exactly-"

"Because if you don't," David took a sharp corner and would have slammed Owen into a stone wall if the blond's reflexes had been any slower, "Goliath is going to forcibly remove my head from my body and God knows what else."

All was silent save the sound of their running through stone halls.

"I take it, sir, that I don't want to know?"

"You do not want to know."

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

_If we shadows have offended,_

_Think but this, and all is mended— _

_That you have but slumbered here _

_While these visions did appear._

A/N: This was difficult to write. I think that comes across in the prose for which I am sorry but COME ON. Did any or you actually enjoy that? Also, I figure Fox and David are too refined for things like jealousy.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I just couldn't stay away. It's like an addiction or something. I should talk to someone about it. Owen, I apologize.

Spoilers: None, actually

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: Disney and Greg Weisman would be so mad at me right now... seriously.

* * *

May 1, 1998

Beltane - or May Day, as they were calling it these days - was never a good one for Owen. Though he would never be able to explain it, something would inevitably feel wrong about the whole day and he was usually quite eager for it to be over and done with.

This one was no different.

Owen set aside his personal feelings about the day and had walked out onto the New York street with his head held high and proceeded to do Mr. Xanatos's last minute errands like a good little maid.

It took a lot to keep his head held high some days.

He was in the middle of reassuring himself that picking up Fox's dry cleaning (most of which consisted of Kevlar woven undergarments) made him no less of a man, when a vaguely familiar voice called out to him.

"Owen!" said the female voice that he could surely place if he tried hard enough called out. "There you are, I've been looking every where."

Owen turned - it was polite to face people when they were talking to you - and felt his eyebrows leap to his hairline.

He couldn't be certain, but he thought Detective Elisa Maza was darting across the street toward him with a large (fake) smile plastered on her made up face.

Owen had excellent recall and a good eye for faces of course but he'd never actually seen Detective Maza in heavy makeup and a short black day dress before.

He blinked.

"Thanks for meeting me," she caught his arm rather forcefully and Owen briefly played with the idea that he'd somehow been transported to an alternate universe.

"Detect-"

"Nuh uh," her smile was tight and in her eyes there was warning. "I'm off the clock."

Behind her, the door to a clothing boutique across the street burst open and a group of men burst out. Owen thought he would recognize a handful of them as hired thugs and Anthony Dracon's men if he hadn't been distracted by the detective's hand on his cheek. She pressed uncomfortably close.

"Break my cover," she whispered dangerously, "and I will knee you so hard you'll never have little fairies of your own."

She was in position to make good on that threat. Owen gave her a tight smile.

"Of course, my dear," he ignored the way she narrowed her eyes at him. "Enjoy your shopping trip?"

"It was great," she winced at a shout across the street and Owen, having noticed the men coming their way, really should have seen it coming.

Her hand caught the back of his neck and yes, there it was.

The blond held perfectly still, arms at his sides because Elisa was still in position to cause him some rather grievous harm.

Considering how often the ploy was used in movies it really shouldn't have worked but the men passed them by without a second look. Elisa pulled away and watched the men disappear around the corner.

"Are you quite finished?" Owen asked flatly after a minute. Elisa started to glare at him but seemed to change her mind, opting instead to rest her hand on the crook of his elbow.

"Walk me down the block," it was an order, not a request and Owen had a mind to refuse but considered that Elisa Maza made for a far better ally than an enemy. So they walked.

They spent ten minutes pretending to be an average couple taking a walk down 8th Avenue and pointedly not speaking to each other before they came to a familiar red car. Detective Maza released his arm with no fanfare and dug her keys out of her clutch purse.

"If Goliath hears one word of this-" she started to threaten as she tried to fold herself into her car in a way that didn't show any more of her legs than the dress already left bare.

"Ms. Maza," Owen interrupted with a pointed look. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Do I look suicidal to you?" her lips twitched. "Good day," he turned on his heel and started away.

He decided that Fox could pick up her own dry cleaning if she wanted it so much.

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended—

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

A/N: did you guys know that Mazanett is an actual pairing? And more popular than Maza/Dracon from what I've seen. Not that I can't see the attraction but... I dunno. Probably not a pairing I'll suddenly fall in love with but it doesn't make me squeal 'oh gross' either.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: ...HAHAHAHAHA. This date was going to be for a different pairing and then I read something (which is usually how ideas come to me) and now... Ha. Technically a Disney crossover, BUT IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN YOU GUYS.

Warning: Language, pre-seduction by fraud (legally called something with worse connotations than those in this drabble), mild violence

* * *

February 12, 2002

Why it had taken David so long to dress that he needed a separate cab was a mystery to Fox but she could only assume he was planning something odd with his outfit. Mardi Gras wasn't something they much celebrated if only because the copious amounts of alcohol brought out Fox's more violent tendencies (not good around handsy, drunken business men) and caused David to do something she and Owen fondly referred to as "drunken inventing" the results of which tended to be explosive and expensive.

But this year there was an invitation that they couldn't socially afford to decline and there was David, a good half hour later than his fashionably late wife looking resplendent in a suit she didn't recognize and a black domino mask. Fox's own red mask hid all but the smallest trace of her tattoo but it was unlikely, with the jewels and the dress, that she'd be mistaken for anyone else.

David turned and finally spotted her about the same time that Fox noticed his missing pony-tail. So a hair cut had kept him late. She pouted a little as he started her way; she'd miss the long hair and planned to complain loudly about it's loss later.

Fox also noticed the rakish grin he was aiming her way - a sort of look she wouldn't see on him in public if he were sober - and made a note to tell Owen to block David's access to the lab and company funds, just in case.

"That dress," David started, looking her over in an overly lecherous way that made Fox want to giggle and punch him at the same time "looks fantastic. Really amazing. I don't think you should wear anything else ever again."

"It ought to, you bought it," Fox teased. They'd actually had a small fight over the dress when Fox had pointed out that the slit in the side would go clear up to her hip and hardly be appropriate for a married house wife. David had retorted that without the split she wouldn't be able to kick people in the head should the need arise and really there was no arguing with that sort of logic.

"I have excellent taste," staring at her breasts, David put his hands low on her waist and tugged her close. "Have you been working out? You look _awesome_."

Oh yes. He was drunk.

"No more so than usual. Are you drunk already? We've only been here an hour," less than that, in his case. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Owen who was standing a few paces away having apparently been forced into conversation by a group of trophy wives and was staring at them with his mouth wide open.

He'd caught them doing worse. In public no less. She gave the blond a look and he proceeded to shove his glasses up from where they'd slipped with far more force than necessary, turn on his heel and power walk out of the room. Weird.

"Pfft," David's hand slipped off her hip and landed somewhere a bit lower. "No more so than usual. When we get home I am going to-"

"Tony!" shrill and unhappy came a voice from behind David's shoulder. He straightened up like someone had stuffed a metal rod down his shirt - or up his ass - and turned to face the voice. Maybe a foot away-

Fox stared. Her mask was smaller, her dress longer and lacking the head kicking slit; her hair maybe a shade lighter and her heels more practical. She wasn't a fighter, Fox thought automatically, taking in the other woman's smaller, leaner frame but they were almost the same height and they'd both had the ends of their hair curled the same way and at a distance they probably...

The man holding her turned and stared for a moment before his face split into a pleasantly surprised grin.

"Wow," he said. "I can't even tell you what I'm thinking right now."

Fox's mind was racing. Skin too light, eyes the wrong shade of brown. Body type the same but in these heels... a half an inch too short? Maybe a full inch.

She leaned back, his hands still... where he'd put them.

"Who the hell-" she started angrily when a voice behind her called.

"Fox?" she turned. Owen was holding David by the arm, apparently having drug him from another room. Familiar suit, dramatic black mask, swarthy skin and darker eyes. Her David. And he was apparently trying very had not to laugh. She turned back around. The man holding her raised his eyebrows, amused, and opened his mouth to speak.

Fox's hand darted out of it's own accord and down he went, clutching his throat.

"Tony!" a different shrill cry from the woman who immediately went to the lecher's side, supporting him as he gasped. "Did she crush your larynx?" she didn't sound overly upset as she did shocked by the accuracy of Fox's punch. "Did you crush his larynx?"

"A fracture at worse, Ms. Potts," Owen assured the woman smoothly as he and David led Fox into another room with fewer staring people.

"David who the hell was-" her question was cut off as, still laughing, David put his hands on either side of her face and pulled her into a rough kiss.

"Tony Stark," David provided when he finally pulled back for air. "Pompous, womanizing asshole. Owns the next skyscraper over," he kissed her again. "My dear that was beautiful. I love you."

"He put his hand-" Fox was too outraged to finish the sentence which was just as well because David was still trying to kiss her and laugh himself stupid at the same time.

"And you knocked him flat on his ass for it. Oh I love you. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you right now," another kiss peppered with bubbling laughter. "I can die a happy man now that I've seen my wife punch Tony Stark."

"David," Fox snapped, he was still laughing if the shaking shoulders were anything to go by but he focused and stopped kissing her for the moment. "Did you miss the part where he was... was... and his hands were... Did you see?!"

"Yes! Yes I did!" he bounced a like a child on too many pixie sticks. "Owen take a note," and the blond's PDA obediently appeared in his hand though where he could have hidden it in his smooth, fitted suit would forever be a mystery. "First thing in the morning we are suing Tony Stark for assaulting my wife. Some ridiculous uneven number... tell Ms. Potts that we want exactly $431,987.63 to keep quiet about the incident," David looked up at the ceiling and sighed happily while Fox, having calmed enough to finally realize David was using her as catalyst to a billionaire pissing contest, tapped her heel against the floor impatiently. "Oh it's Christmas. Thank you, Fox. The only way it could have been better is if you'd kicked him in the head."

"I'd have given him quite the show before he went down," the redhead said flatly. David scowled for a moment but whatever argument inducing comment he was about to make was interrupted as Owen stepped between them.

"Might I suggest we return to the castle and see what the clan are doing? If we hurry there may even be time to tuck Alexander into bed," the blond, always the peacemaker, suggested gently. With a huff, Fox took his arm rather forcefully and chose to ignore David's knowing roll of the eyes.

"And excellent idea Owen, please lead the way."

Owen's choice of path did not lead through the room where Tony Stark lay stunned and gasping on the floor which was a disappointment for all, but no fights broke out so in that way it was a success.

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this, and all is mended—

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear.

A/N: BUWAHAHAHAHAHA. Ah... *gets control of herself* So Disney own's Marvel now so it could very well be the same universe. Tony Stark used to be in the military weapons business, David Xanatos IS the weapons business and they both own lavish and ridiculous skyscrapers in New York. They've both got wildly attractive, short tempered redheads on their arms, they are both not much liked by the people they work with... It's like they were evil doppelgänger of each other that decided to try to be good at around the same time and both failed hilariously at it.

By now you'll have noticed that if Fox and David are in a room together, Owen is sure to follow. As previously stated, I don't much care for the threesome theory (I mean, I see the appeal. I'm not _dead_), but I do see Owen as an important part of the family if not an integral part of the actual marriage. Just think of all the things that literally could not happen without Owen's presence! I like to think that when they're feeling peevish Fox and David have "yeah well, Owen likes me better" arguments.


End file.
